An open letter to the U.S. House of Representatives:
Dear Sirs,
Due to recent developments I find myself compelled to offer you my services as your next Speaker of the House. Since none of you seem particularly interested in that position this could be a win-win for everyone.
As a middle school principal I feel I am more than qualified (perhaps even over-qualified) to run your organization. Here are a few reasons my current job is a great fit for your opening. As a principal of young teen children:
-I am use to dealing with confused humans who lack the ability to compromise on even the smallest of issues. Why just today I settled an argument about whose Ninja Turtle lunchbox was the coolest.
-I am use to dealing with "clicks" and understand the importance of belong to a group. Teen kids are pack animals and our school has jocks, band kids, drama kids, and brainiacs. Your Tea Party, Moderates, Liberals, and Libertarians should be easy for me to navigate. In fact, at our school we even have kids from different groups that eat together, talk, and actually listen to different views. Perhaps with my leadership this might work for your organization.
-I own a blue suit with a red tie.
-Often times kids come to my office and totally present an argument that lacks any logic, common sense, and is void of any reliable data. So watching you guys debate and make laws should be pretty easy for me.
-As a public school employee I know how to practice my faith without overstepping that dang tricky 1st amendment. Boy, that one sure is a doozie. Those dang Founding Fathers really tricked us on that one.
-Unlike any of you, I actually understand education and have some ideas on what we could do in that area. This should really interest you since the No Child Left Behind Law is only about 20 years past its legal update. ( you guys really screwed that one up)
-I don't know the Pope but I am friends with a couple of preachers so I could have them swing by and talk to you guys.
-Finally, I taught history for 15 years and a couple of kids would fall asleep in my class. So when Ruth Ginsberg falls asleep during the State of the Union I won't even blink twice.
Let me know if you guys are interested in talking to me further about this opportunity.
God Bless America,
Kyle
